After writing a 'proper' query letter, this was my second rejection from an agent:
Dear Eleanor
I’ve spent today reading your pages (sorry for the delay in getting back) and I do think you write well, and am intrigued by the story (I do want to know what happens next), but there’s a but – however much I like this I’m not convinced I would be able to submit it to editors with the required passion and belief. It does feel quite familiar, I’m not sure what to and I’m not 100% convinced that’s a bad idea, but it’s different when you’re reading a published book to when you’re trying to convince a publisher to take a chance on a debut novel. I’m having to be so cautious about what I take on because it’s just me, and I have to concentrate on the authors I already represent, so reluctantly I’m going to pass. It might be worth you going through the ms one more time and slimming down what you have – it’s not that it feels overwritten, but there’s a lot there and there are a few typos and things like that. I think if you were to pare it down the reading experience would be smoother. Oh, and I do think you might want a different title – I did think at first this was a childrens story!
I am sorry to disappoint, and as I said if things were different I’d really like to work with you on this, so I very much hope you find an agent who can respond to it in the way you need.
With best wishes
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